Archive | Hobos

Avoiding the most annoying hobos is a somewhat delicate and difficult game; if Snoring Asshole and Stinky Lady are at opposite sides of the court, you are fucked, and it might be time to pick another career. If Staring Dyke decides to sit with her back to the wall or if Meteofag sneaks behind you […]

1-Stinky Lady   We’ve done it. We’ve finally done it. Here is the most annoying hobo in the café – maybe in the entire world. Stinky Lady, in simple terms, is an extremely malodorous woman who importunes everyone within a 5 miles radius. It’s hard to explain just how terribly awful she smells so I’m […]

2-Snoring Asshole   And we are now at the second most annoying hobo on the list: Snoring Asshole. This one doesn’t need a description. He is just a moron who is there every single night without exception and, well, who sleeps, and snores. Loudly. Fucking, very loudly. It’s insane, what the fuck does he thinks […]

3- MUH-UH-NUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHH   This guy… Holy shit, this guy… This fucking guy… There are very little things scarier than an absolutely crazy, thick-bearded, filthy-to-the-bones hobo wearing an overused brown jacket screaming at the top of lungs: “MUH-UH- NUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHH” all night long while throwing strange and crazy looks at everyone.  This fucking guy spends his time […]

4-Meteofag   Ugh, we’ve made it to one of the most annoying person I have ever met (and, sadly, talked to) in my entire life: Meteofag. Similar to Biblefreak and his obsession with the Bible, Meteofag is obsessed with meteorology and, specifically, whether it’s going to rain or not. He talks about the chances of […]

5-Armless Arry   I call him “Armless Arry,” but “Harmless Harry” would be just as right: he doesn’t have lower arms (he has hands and upper arms, though; he’s kind of like that guy in King of the Hill, but arm-wise), and I doubt he could cause any real harm. Armless Arry is, when he […]

6- Biblefreak No top ten list would be complete without a proper religious maniac. When sane, religifreaks tend to be boring, condescending, idiotic and overzealous (okay, stepping on the “sane” part a bit here) imbeciles. When insane, thankfully, they tend to provide some of the best entertainment in the world. Sadly, Biblefreak lands between the […]

7-Staring Dyke   This “lady” has killed more erections than smoking, hypertension, obesity and curious close-up shots in pornography all together. There is something so incredibly unattractive about her that I just can’t put it in words (there is something incredibly unattractive about being homeless altogether, I must say). Staring Dyke has the weirdest ponytail […]

8- Weirdo   There is no other way to describe that person. He’s just… weird! Weirdo (not to be confused with Birdo) looks like a fish and has the curliest hair I can imagine. It’s like his hair was hit by a tornado or something – or maybe his hair is a tornado. Weirdo is […]

9- Drunk or Passed Out?   This guy is surprisingly not annoying. He is at the café every night without exception (he hasn’t missed a single night in a year) and, well, he never moves. Ever. He just sits at a table in the back sleeping, his body slightly leaned forward and his head in […]