I went to McDonald’s today (mistake #1) for their free coffee (mistake #2). In the span of thirty minutes, I saw:

1. A guy who talked to his McNuggets. This would have been cute if the guy was 5 and with his parents. He was 50 and sat alone in a corner. I have no idea what he told them because it made no sense. I’ve never felt so scared in my life.
2. A guy who dipped his fries in ketchup and then threw them at the wall. He shrieked in joy when he finally got one to stick.
3. A moron who used the self-service soft drink station and let his drink overflow for a full thirty seconds. Perhaps he has the slowest reflex in the world, I don’t know.
4. A guy who spent three minutes asking the (only) cashier about the menu. He even asked what was in a Big Mac. There was a growing line of customers behind him.
5. A man who screamed at the self-order machine because it lagged. He then gave up halfway through his order and tried the second machine, yelled more and then went to order in person.
6. Someone scratching his ass furiously for a full two minutes, under his pants and, presumably, underwear.
7. Someone who gazed through the outside window and smiled widely for a full five minutes. It seemed he was admiring his reflection.
8. A guy who ordered a free coffee, took the sticker (7 stickers = free coffee) and then threw his coffee in the trash. If you don’t like the coffee, why bother accumulating free ones?
9. A guy who had six daughters. You could tell they were his given their respective sizes. They begged him for sweets, but he only took a large McFlurry. I like to think he’s going to share it with them, but honestly, I don’t think so. Also, what are the odds of getting six daughters out of six kids? Maybe he has sons too?
10. A guy who ordered and then ate: a Big Mac, 20 McNuggets, two medium fries, a poutine, two large soft drinks not the Diet one, I’m sure) a sundae and two apple fritters. He went back to order 6 more McNugget. Now, the guy can eat what he wants, but you are looking at $35+ of food there just for the first order.
11. A guy who ordered 3 fish-o-filet, or whatever you call them, took one bite from them, left them on the table and just… left. I never saw him again.
12. A woman who filled at least a dozen ketchup cups. For one medium fries. To go. One way to get your money’s worth, I suppose.
13. A guy who argued for a full minute over paying $0.15 for an extra dipping sauce for his McNuggets. Okay.
14. A guy who took some wax crayons and proceeded to draw on the table. He was in his fifties. What he drew sucked.
15. A man who brought his own utensils. This wouldn’t be so weird if he wasn’t using steak knives to cut his burger.
16. A guy who came in with his big dog, a white Great Pyrenees, and then proceeded to ask his dog what he wanted when it was his turn to order. He asked his dog several times, finally ordered a big mac, gave the meat to his dog and ate the bread (and toppings, I guess) on the terrace.

This all happened in 30 minutes. On a calm Tuesday afternoon at 2PM. Seriously, is it always like that? It seems something in that restaurant attracts the weirdest of humanity maybe.

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